


i've got this burning, burning, yearning, feeling inside me (and it hurts so bad)

by Hissingwillows



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, Twoshot, part one is angstier but the second chapter will have a happy ending, this is post rejection/alex processing, u like jealous maggie? get ready for jealous maggie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-19
Updated: 2016-11-21
Packaged: 2018-08-31 20:41:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8592748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hissingwillows/pseuds/Hissingwillows
Summary: “You didn't do anything wrong,” Maggie had told her.
So why does Alex feel like she had? Why does she feel like she’d made the biggest mistake of her life, like nothing would ever be the same again, like she could never go back to where she was with Maggie again? Alex could have stayed in safety, only wondering what it would be like, but it was too late. Alex had already held Maggie close, touched her face and kissed her lips and felt right, for once, and she knows she can never stop wanting more.





	1. mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> i was originally just going to call this "mistakes", but I've been listening to the 9 minute version of Tainted Love + Where Did Our Love Go on repeat so....... here we go
> 
> anyway i cried like three times watching 206... that episode was so Good but it hurt my heart!! my heart hurts! i want to hug alex my BABY
> 
> wanna talk to me? about this fic, future fics, or just cry with me over alex danvers? hmu on tumblr- my URL is wayhaughtie!

 

Maggie touches her lips as soon as Alex walks away. She can hear the tremble in Alex’s voice, see the clench in her fist, and she can imagine the way the agent feels—like she’s been sucker-punched in the stomach.

 

The movement is partially just a response to the tension. Maggie feels a whirlwind of emotions as Alex shoves her way through the door. Part of her pities Alex, part of her sympathizes, part of her wants to curse her for likely ruining the one strong friendship Maggie had.

 

But another part—the part that’s equally to blame for the motion to her lips—wants to feel more. Alex broke whatever barrier was between them, and Maggie knows there is no going back. She has already tasted Alex and can still feel the pressure on her lips, can still see the hopeful smile on Alex’s face as she tells Maggie she's been waiting to do this.

 

She wonders if rejecting her like that was a mistake.

 

Maggie sighs and abandons the pool table to sit at the bar. She orders a few shots and downs the first one as soon as they arrive.

 

Maggie thinks that she would be lying to herself if she said that she hadn't caught on to Alex’s feelings—perhaps even before Alex herself understood them. She would be lying if she said she hadn't considered the possibility; imagined the two of them together. Holding hands, buying dinner, kissing—she would be lying if she said she hadn't _wanted_ it, sometimes, too.

 

Maggie drinks another shot and slams it down. Despite this, she figures, she wasn't wrong to turn Alex down. The timing of it all is too wrong—Alex is new to this, new to loving women, and Maggie, regardless of how she may feel about Alex, still feels the blow from her breakup. She isn't ready for something new, not yet, and she doesn't want to lose Alex by rushing into whatever could be between them.

 

That is, if she hadn't ruined “whatever” that was already.

 

Maggie picks up the third shot; lets it linger in her hand as she considers another possibility—that she really is just something shiny and new to Alex in her revelation of being gay, and Alex will toss her aside as she becomes used to the feeling, used to allowing herself to feel for women.

 

_Who’d want to date a work-obsessed, insensitive sociopath?_ Maggie thinks, bitterly, before she finally throws back the shot. _Alex is better off being my friend. I don't… I can't hurt her._

 

Maggie can't help but think that they could, perhaps, work. Maggie didn't mean to be obsessed with work, but she was always so deeply involved—she figured Alex could understand. Alex was tough and stubborn and always, always working. She wouldn't hate her for being fully immersed in her job.

 

Maggie scowls as she thinks of her ex, Hannah, and her other choice descriptor of Maggie—insensitive. Maggie wasn't _insensitive_ , she was just… _It's just hard,_ she thinks. Maggie isn't used to being vulnerable. She feels exposed and weak and she’d rather drink until she lost her cool, as she was right now, than address her feelings.

 

She tried to be sensitive—at least with other people’s feelings. Maggie had tried to let Alex down easy, but she’d known right away that she’d hurt her more than she’d bargained. She hadn't meant to sound disinterested, or disgusted, or angry, but she was sure Alex’s mind was going to one or all of those places and assuming the worst.

 

Maggie drinks her fourth shot and thinks that she doesn't blame Alex if she does think the worst. _I'm too much of an asshole for her,_ she thinks. _I pushed her away when she wanted to help with Hannah, and I pushed her away now._

 

Maggie tells herself again that it was for the best, but she doesn't quite believe it as much this time.

 

As Maggie considers ordering more, considers drinking until she's throwing up in the bar’s bathroom, she feels a hand on her shoulder.

 

She glances up and doesn't smile. It's one of her exes—not a serious one, one that was more of a friend with benefits than an actual girlfriend. One that happened at least two years ago, and Maggie isn't sure she can remember her name. _Damn,_ she thinks. _I am insensitive._

 

“Hey,” the girl says.

 

“Hey,” Maggie responds, voice dry. Unfriendly. She isn't in the mood for whatever fight she's in for; can't even recall what she did to ruin this relationship. But by the raised eyebrow and slight smile, Maggie thinks that she might not have fucked this one up as bad as some of the others.

 

“Bad night?” the girl asks. “You want to get out of here?”

 

Maggie considers it. (She considers ordering more shots, again, too.) She knows she doesn't really want to. She’d rather wallow here on the bar, feeling like a miserable piece of shit, contemplating just how badly she’d ruined another friendship.

 

The girl rolls her eyes. “It doesn't have to be anything serious,” she says. “Or is that new girlfriend of yours still hanging around? The one that keeps beating you at pool?”

 

Maggie’s throat feels tight. “She's not my girlfriend.”

 

“Okay.” The girl tilts her head and narrows her eyes. “So prove it.”

 

Maggie doesn't really want to, knows that she shouldn't, but she likes a challenge too much to just refuse, so she stands up and pulls her out of the bar.

 

They walk to the girl’s apartment. Maggie remembers her name as she presses Maggie to a wall to kiss her.

 

_Cathy,_ she thinks, as one hand slides up her shirt. _Cathy called me a bitch when she broke up with me_.

 

Maggie still can't remember what she did that prompted it, but she figures that she probably deserved it.

 

All Maggie can think of is how Cathy is all over her, how Cathy’s hands are so rough and grab at her too much, how Alex was gentle and her hands were soft and how Cathy is very much _not_ Alex.

 

When they make it to Cathy’s bed, all Maggie thinks about is how much she doesn't want this, thinks about the first time Hannah told Maggie she loved her, thinks about how Alex thought she kissed her wrong, thinks about how Hannah used to kiss her in bed, thinks about Alex’s humiliated look as she fled the bar, thinks about how she almost truly believed that she would be with Hannah for the rest of her life. Thinks about anything except the woman under her.

 

As soon as Cathy comes, Maggie leaves the bed and starts to dress herself.

 

“You don't have to go,” Cathy tells her.

 

“Yeah,” Maggie says, thinking of how badly she needs another drink. “I do.”

 

Maggie doesn't look over her shoulder, but she can hear the smirk in Cathy’s voice as she says, “For someone who said she’s single, you're sure moping about that girl like she was your girlfriend.”

 

Maggie considers telling Cathy to go fuck herself, but instead, she just pulls on her shoes and leaves, silently.

 

When Maggie gets home, she drinks half a bottle of vodka before she throws up, takes a shower, and goes to bed.

 

She still feels terrible in the morning.

* * *

 

 Alex spends the night crying.

 

She has never felt like this before. She's never truly liked someone this much, never has been able to admit she finds a girl so _beautiful_ , never allowed herself to feel so much.

 

“I'm so humiliated,” Alex chokes out as Kara wraps her arms around her, holding her tight. She buries her face in her sister’s arm as she lets out another sob.

 

“No, no, no,” Kara murmurs. “I'm so proud of you.”

 

Alex takes a shaky breath. Her throat is too tight and her stomach is churning and this all hurts _too much_. “I'm so—I just—” another sob rips through her, and she pauses to cough and sniff and she turns to lean into Kara. “—I'm such an idiot.”

 

“No,” Kara whispers. She runs her hand through Alex’s hair and pulls her closer, holding her tight. “No, you're not. You're so, so brave, Alex. Okay? You're so brave.”

 

“I'm not,” Alex argues miserably. “I'm not, I'm just…” her voice trails off, and she clutches wordlessly at the end of Kara’s shirt and balls her fist in the fabric. “She doesn't _like_ me,” she breathes. “I thought she did and…”

 

“I know,” Kara says. “It's okay. You did nothing wrong.”

 

Alex’s breath hitches.

 

_“You didn't do anything wrong,”_ Maggie had told her.

 

So why does Alex feel like she had? Why does she feel like she’d made the biggest mistake of her life, like nothing would ever be the same again, like she could never go back to where she was with Maggie again? Alex could have stayed in safety, only wondering what it would be like, but it was too late. Alex had already held Maggie close, touched her face and kissed her lips and felt right, for once, and she knows she can never stop wanting more.

 

Alex’s chest shakes as she sinks into Kara. “I feel like a stupid teenager,” she says, bitterly. “I shouldn't be so…”

 

“No, no,” Kara repeats. She sighs and leans her cheek against Alex’s head. “You've kept all this down for so long. You're not weak for crying.” She moves to press her lips to Alex’s forehead. “I'm so proud of you. No matter what happens with Maggie—or with anyone—I love you, and I'm proud of you.”

 

Alex smiles despite her tears. “Thank you,” she whispers.

 

They stay there, together, for the rest of the night, and it's the first time in a while that Alex really lets herself cry.

* * *

“Have you ever been to a gay bar?”

 

Alex glances up from the couch, coffee mug in hand. It's been three days since Maggie’s rejection, and Alex hasn't entirely even made it out of the first stage of grief. Kara has spent the past few days at her place, leaving only to tell J’onn that Alex has a “horrific, downright contagious fever”, pick up tissues and liquor, and grab more potstickers. It's been awhile since Alex has played hooky, and despite how crappy everything feels, having Kara with her makes things easier.

 

“No?” Alex replies, frowning lightly. “No, I haven't.”

 

Kara grins mischievously and straightens her glasses, and Alex knows immediately she is going to regret even answering. “Then we’re going out tonight.”

 

Alex gives her a look of dismay. “There is _no_ way I'm going tonight.”

 

“It'll be fun!” Kara exclaims. “You don't need to go find the girl of your dreams or anything, just… have a night out on the town!” she smirks devilishly and punches her lightly in the arm. (The concept of a ‘light punch’, however, is quite subjective when the puncher is the Girl of Steel.) “ _Besides_ ,” Kara adds. “I'll be your wingman—your winglady. Wing-girl…? Your wingwoman?”

 

Alex runs her arm and snorts quietly. “Please never call yourself a winglady again. You just sound like… like someone who sells wings.”

 

Kara just beams. “Go take a shower!” she says, and snatches Alex’s coffee before she can take another sip. “I will _not_ let my sister out on her first night in a gay bar smelling like leftover pizza and greasy potstickers.”

 

Alex laughs, but grabs her mug back as she stands. “That's fair.”

* * *

 

Alex becomes a ball of nerves as soon as they enter the bar Kara found.

 

_Maybe this was a mistake,_ she thinks, as they sit right at the bar. _Maybe I'm not really gay, maybe I just—_

 

“Hey,” Kara says, interrupting her thoughts. “I think that girl is looking at you!”

 

Alex blinks up and follows Kara’s gaze across the bar to where a pretty redhead sits. Alex smiles and swallows a little. “Actually, I'm pretty sure she's staring at  _you_.”

 

“Pfft, no,” Kara waves off the suggestion. “There's no way she—oh.” She looks down very suddenly, eyes wide. “Oh, she is.”

 

Alex laughs, louder and fuller than she has in the last few days. “Just my luck,” she jokes. “You take me out to a bar to get hit on and all eyes are on you.”

 

It isn't long before the bartender makes her way to them and places two beers before them. “For you,” she says.

 

Alex frowns. “We didn't order anything yet.”

 

The woman just chuckles and gestures over her shoulder to where a tall blonde leans against the counter. “She ordered them for you.”

 

Alex and Kara both look over, and the blonde looks Kara in the eye and winks shamelessly. Alex hears Kara let out a tiny  gasp before she hides her face with a hand. “Oh my gosh,” Kara whispers. “She just winked. _At me._ ”

 

Alex bursts out laughing again. She raises her glass slightly the blonde, a silent thanks, before she takes a long drink. She pauses to elbow Kara in the ribs. “Don't be ungrateful,” she teases. “This nice lady bought you a drink.”

 

Three more women buy them drinks within the hour, each implying with a subtle wave or raised brow they had eyes on Kara. Alex doesn't mind, and actually is surprised to find herself having a good time. She has yet to leave her seat, but something about this place just feels _good_ , and having Kara laughing by her side makes it all the better.

 

As she sips her fourth drink, Kara sighs, almost dreamily, “Maybe _I_ should start coming to gay bars more often. Everyone here is just so _nice_!”

 

Alex doesn't have the heart to tell her that every girl who bought a drink absolutely just wanted to get in her pants.

* * *

 

Of course tonight was going to be a mistake. That seemed to be the way this whole week was going to go for Maggie.

 

It was already turning out to be a shit week, and it was only Tuesday night. The morning after she went home with Cathy—the morning after she rejected Alex—she’d been massively hungover for the entire day, which did not make chasing down a suspect the easy or even sometimes enjoyable task it often was. The day after, she’d let another perp get away (because what else can you do when you’ve got no backup and an alien weapon that resembles a Gatling gun pointed at your chest), and got chewed out by her boss for not calling in for backup beforehand.

 

Maggie had just taken it silently, mostly because she figured _“I was just getting used to having one of the DEO’s top agents on my cases with me but I unfortunately crushed her heart and now she isn't returning my calls”_ probably wouldn't cut it as a viable explanation as to why she didn't think to call in and ask for help.

 

Either way, he gave her two days off, citing that she seemed distracted and could probably use a break.

 

_A break is the last thing I need_ , she thinks, sourly, as she sees Alex Danvers across the bar. Of course, of all the bars in National City, it had to be at _this_ bar on _this_ night that Alex would be out with her sister.

 

Maggie weighs her options. She's already grabbed a small table, but her drink has yet to arrive. She could leave, and spend the rest of the night wondering if Alex was if okay or if she was even comfortable or _god forbid_ if she went home with someone—

 

Maggie stops herself right there as a wave of guilt hits her. _I have no right to be jealous_ , she thinks. _I'm the one that said I couldn't get into anything with her._ But as she looks up again and sees a new girl hanging around them, leaning over the bar beside Alex, she scowls anyway.

 

_You're such a fucking idiot,_ she tells herself. _You come here to get your mind off Alex Danvers and lo and behold…_

 

One of the bartenders stops at her table and leaves a beer as she moves through the bar, and Maggie flashes her a forced smile before she disappears. _Well, there goes the option to leave._

 

Maggie could just sit here, sulking, doing nothing. She could keep her head low, talk to no one, and hope that Alex doesn't see her.

 

She considers her last option—that she actually get up and go talk to Alex.

 

Maggie chews her lip before she takes a sip of her beer. _What if she hates me now?_ she thought. _Maybe I was worse about turning her down than I thought I was. I didn't even tell her how I actually feel about her, I just… pushed her away._

 

Maggie goes back and forth as she drinks slowly, watching the girl’s interaction with Alex. She's pretty, Maggie gives her that, but she notices the way Alex stiffens any time the girl touches her arm, her shoulder, her back, and Maggie bristles on the inside.

 

_I should go help her,_ Maggie thinks. _She's clearly uncomfortable._ She can see the almost panicked look on Alex’s face, the look that Kara seems oblivious to, and she finishes the last of her beer before she abandons the glass and gets up.

 

Maggie realizes this is a big mistake as she makes it halfway across the bar, but as with almost any bad decision she’s ever made, she can't stop herself as she reaches them and taps the girl on the shoulder. Both Alex and her new friend glance over their shoulders. The girl looks annoyed, but Alex, wide-eyed, looks very much like a deer caught in headlights.

 

Maggie sets her jaw. “Excuse me,” she says, voice firm. “I'm pretty sure you're bothering my friend.” She glances at Alex, giving her an opportunity to confirm, but the agent just stammers something unintelligible and looks back and forth between Maggie and the girl.

 

The girl lets out a huff and looks Maggie up and down as though sizing her up. “You're crazy,” She says. “We’re having a good time.” She looks to Alex, and Alex freezes again. “Tell her she's crazy.”

 

“Um,” is all Alex manages to say, as she grabs wordlessly at Kara, who is too deep in conversation with the heavily tattooed bartender to immediately notice.

 

The girl raises her eyebrows before she scoffs and rolls her eyes. “Wow,” she snaps. “Okay. I'm out of here.” She turns around and bumps roughly into Maggie as she leaves.

 

Kara finally looks over at them, and Maggie is surprised by the sudden change in her affect. In the very few times she's seen Alex’s sister, Kara has always been bubbly and friendly, as well as even a little bit scattered, but she stiffens uncomfortably at the critical look Kara gives her.

 

“I…” Alex is clearly at a loss for words, and her face is reddening by the second. “I think—I… we have to go.”

 

“Of course,” Kara agrees. “Let's go.”

 

Alex moves to get out of her chair, but Maggie reaches out and grabs her by the arm. “Wait, Danvers…”

 

Alex flinches, and Maggie pulls away with a sigh. “I'm sorry, I just… I wanted to know if you were okay, and then I saw that girl, and you looked uncomfortable, so… I don't know, I guess I misread the situation. Sorry.”

 

“I'm fine,” Alex says, in an almost hoarse tone that implies she is very much _not_ fine. “But you were right, she was… forward.” She looks away, and Kara’s hand settles on her shoulder, protectively. “So. Thanks for that, I guess. But—I—we—we should go.”

 

“Danvers, wait—” Maggie tries, again. “I want to talk to you. I don’t like how we left things the other night—you haven’t been returning my calls and I’m worried.”

 

“I took a couple days off work,” Alex replies tersely. She still doesn’t meet Maggie’s gaze. “I haven’t been returning any work-related calls. I’m going back in tomorrow.”

 

“They weren’t all work-related, Danvers,” Maggie says, softly. “Listen, I just—”

 

“There’s nothing else to talk about,” Alex finally snaps. She turns and gets out of her seat, and Kara quickly grabs her bag to follow. “Feel free to call me tomorrow if you need help, but we don’t need to talk about… there’s nothing left to say.”

 

Maggie watches as Alex walks away, until she’s out the door and out of sight. Even as the agent disappears, Maggie still stands there, throat tight and heart heavy.

  
Pushing Alex Danvers away was a bigger mistake than she’d previously anticipated.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Well, mija,” Maggie’s mother says, slowly. “It sounds like you have two options. Either you tell this Alex girl how you feel about her, or you stop being a big baby and tough it out.”
> 
> “Thanks, Mom,” Maggie replies, dryly. “Is there a third option?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i still haven't seen the newest episode and im DYING to know what happens. im staying up until the episode is on the cw's website...
> 
> i'm not super satisfied with the end of this, but i really wanted to have it finished by the time i saw 207, so here we are.
> 
> wanna talk to me about this fic, future fics, or cry about maggie sawyer? hmu on tumblr @ wayhaughtie!

The phone rings four times before Alex picks up. “Danvers,” she answers, voice short and cold and all business.

 

“You picked up,” Maggie says, surprise evident. She's called at least seven or eight other times—although only once since they ran into each other at the bar two days ago—and it went to voicemail every time. “I didn't think you would.”

 

“Like I said, Sawyer—” Maggie nearly flinches at the frosty tone of Alex’s voice— “I haven't been answering any calls about work.”

 

Maggie wants to argue, wants to tell Alex that she hasn't _just_ been calling her about work, that she left messages explaining it all, but instead, she just holds back a sigh and says, “Right. Well, I have a case, and I could use your help. If you're up for it.”

 

“Yeah,” Alex says, but it doesn't make Maggie feel any better. The agent’s voice is dry and as devoid of excitement as humanly possible. “I could use a case. Things have been slow at the DEO.”

 

“Okay,” Maggie replies. “I'll text you the details, then?”

 

“Sure,” Alex says, and hangs up.

 

Maggie sits in her chair silently, still holding her phone to her ear. She lets out a heavy sigh and sets her phone down before she runs her temples. _She definitely hasn't listened to my messages,_ she thinks. _I don't blame her, but… this is just—it’s shitty. I_ really _fucked up something good this time._

 

They meet up at the dive bar, but Alex is no more friendly than she was on the phone. If anything, this is even worse than the flustered state Alex was in at the bar the other night—now she is just cold, short, and to the point.

 

They don't stay together for long—neither even suggests they play pool or grab a bite—and split up shortly after discussing the details of Maggie’s case. Maggie leaves the bar with a heavy heart and a heavy conscience, worried more than ever about Alex Danvers’ emotional state.

* * *

 

Alex lays back in her bed. Her throat is too tight and her chest hurts and her eyes sting with hot, unshed tears. She hates the way things are with Maggie now, but it's far too late to just pretend nothing happened. Whenever she sees Maggie, all she can think of is Maggie pulling away, Maggie telling her they couldn't date, Maggie’s constant look of concern that she now wears around her whenever they work together.

 

God, Alex wants to be with Maggie. Maggie is so clever and badass and tough as nails and is goddamn _beautiful_ and Alex swears her heart aches even just every time she sees her name pop up on her phone screen.

 

But Alex _hurts_ , hurts so much. Everything about this is painful—the stinging humiliation of rejection, the terrifying aspect of coming out and just accepting herself, and even just the thought of seeing Maggie. Talking to Maggie hurts, especially with how short and cold Alex finds herself being, but _not_ talking hurts even more.

 

_“They weren't all work-related, Danvers…”_

 

Alex’s fingers clench around her phone a little tighter. Maggie left nine different voicemails, and Alex had neither listened to nor deleted a single one.

 

_Maybe I should listen to them,_ she thinks. _Maybe it will help._

 

She bites her lip as she pulls up her voicemail and scrolls to the latest. It was left at 2:41AM, after Maggie had turned down Alex. Alex stares at it for a while, hovers her finger over the delete button, but after a minute passes, she finally presses play.

 

_“Hey, Alex…”_ There's a slight slur to Maggie’s voice, and she sounds either drunk, half-asleep, or some combination of the two. _“I just wanted to see if you… if you were okay. I feel really shitty and I don't think… I don't think I really, uh, I really explained—”_

 

Alex pauses it and sets her phone on her nightstand. She takes in a shaky breath, but her breathing hitches over and over as she tries to hold back tears. _This is so stupid,_ she thinks. _I can't even… I can't listen to this. I'm not ready._

 

Alex tries to go to sleep, but spends the night tossing and turning, wondering what Maggie wanted to explain but not yet able to force herself to listen.

* * *

 

Days pass. Alex and Maggie speak only briefly, passing along information about a few low-profile cases. They don't meet for drinks to celebrate when Maggie busts a small-scale arms dealer, don't get together at the bar when Alex catches an alien mugger. They only have short conversations over the phone, text each other addresses of potential crime scenes, and meet if only necessary to catch a perp together.

 

Only three weeks after Alex kissed Maggie does Maggie call her, needing _real_ help.

 

As soon as Alex picks up, she can tell Maggie is in trouble. At first, all she hears is Maggie’s heavy panting before she hears gunshots.

 

“Sawyer?” She sits up a little straighter. Alex is in the DEO, but she hasn't heard anything about an active shooting. “Sawyer, what's going on?”

 

“Shit!” Maggie shouts, as more shots fire. “Danvers, I could really use some help—we’ve got some guys with alien weapons and they're tearing us up.”

 

“What?” Alex is already stumbling out of her chair. “Where are you? I'll be right there.”

 

“National City Bank,” Maggie pants out. “Hurry—and bring your running buddy.”

* * *

 Maggie ducks behind one of the NCPD cars as one of the alien weapons fires at her. She curses as the window of the squad car shatters overhead, and she covers her head as the glass rains down on her. _Where's Supergirl when you need her?_

 

Maggie glances to her left. Two more squad cars are parked out in front of the bank, and four other officers are crouched behind them. Up ahead, on the front steps of the bank, are the shooters—Maggie isn’t sure how many there are, hasn’t had the opportunity to properly assess the situation, but she’s seen at least four men, two with definite alien weaponry.

 

“Do we know if there’s hostages?” she calls to one of her fellow officers.

 

He nods. “I don’t know if there’s anyone guarding them inside, but there’s civilians still in there.” He shoots up for a moment to fire two shots back at the men before dropping again. “Did you call your connection?”

 

“Yeah,” Maggie tells him. “She’ll be here.”

 

“We don’t have time for that!” Another argues. “We’re being fired on!” She stands up and begins to fire, and makes no inclination of getting down again. One of the men turns and fires off a few rounds in her direction.

 

“Damnit, Johnson!” Maggie shouts, before she scrambles to her feet and aims her gun. “Get _down_!”

 

Just after she fires once, a second shooter whips around and shoots at Maggie. A bullet rips through her arm, and she drops back down and drops her gun as she grips her bicep with her free hand. “Fuck!” she shouts, as she slides down to sit.

 

“Sawyer’s hit!” one of the officers yells. “Sawyer, how bad is it?”

 

Maggie lets out a groan between clenched teeth as she tightens her grip. “There's an exit wound,” she says. “But I don't know how bad the damage is.”

 

She breathes a sigh of relief as she sees a blue blur flying towards them overhead. “We’ve got backup!”

 

Supergirl lands on the street in a crouch and stands. Somehow, as always, she seems to not have a hair out of place as she scans the scene. Her eyes stop on Maggie for a second, and the detective is surprised to see her face harden. “Agent Danvers should be here shortly,” she says, curtly, before she races past the NCPD officers and towards the shooters.

 

Maggie watches her go, a little baffled. Maybe it was just the stress of the situation, but Supergirl seemed… unfriendly.

 

Maggie shifts so she can get a view of the fight. Despite the alien weapons, it's over quickly—the men handling them are clearly inexperienced, and it only takes Supergirl sending one flying into a pillar with a kick to the chest to convince the others to drop their weapons and give up.

 

As the officers start to stand, Maggie sees Alex Danvers pulling up on her motorcycle. She expects the usual stoic look on the agent’s face, but she only sees concern as Alex gets off her bike and jogs towards her.

 

“You guys alright?” Alex asks, before her eyes travel down to Maggie’s arm. “Oh my god. Are you okay?”

 

“Fine,” Maggie grunts. _Better now that you're here and saying more than two words at a time._ “Don't think they hit an artery, but damn, it hurts.” She glances over her shoulder to see her fellow officers making their way up to where Supergirl awaits with the shooters. “I better get over there.”

 

She makes as if to turn, but Alex quickly grabs her by her good arm. “Oh, no you aren't,” Alex snaps. “You're going to sit down.” She half-leads, half-drags Maggie to the curb and pushes her down until Maggie relents and sits. “You're not going to bleed out trying to cuff those jackasses.”

 

Maggie smiles a little as she looks up at Alex. “What, you getting soft on me?”

 

Alex crosses her arms and looks away, and for a moment, Maggie can see her facade crumble. Her brows crease and her lip trembles before she bites it. Alex shakes her head and doesn't answer. “Why didn't you call sooner?” she asks, instead.

 

Maggie frowns. _I don't know what to say to make this better_ , she thinks. _She still hasn't listened to my messages._ “It all happened too fast,” she explains. “Didn't see they had alien tech until I called.”

 

Alex looks at the ground, and Maggie sighs. She wishes Alex would just look at her. “You don't just have to call me if it's about aliens,” Alex says, quietly. “I don't know what I'd do if you…” she shakes her head again and doesn't finish. “Look, I just don't want to see you get hurt.”

 

Maggie nods, and there's an uncomfortable few long moments of silence. They both stare hard at their own feet, equally aware of how awkward the lull is.

 

“Alex…” Maggie finally starts, and the agent blinks, surprised. “I tried to tell you before, but… I hate how things are now.”

 

“I shouldn't have—” Alex tries, but Maggie shakes her head.

 

“Let me finish,” she says. “Alex, I really do care about you. Just… listen to my voice messages. Things have been really hard for both of us lately and I hate that I can't be there for you.” Maggie smiles weakly and adds, “And I miss my pool buddy. How else am I supposed to get any better?”

 

Alex laughs once. “You suck at pool.”

 

Before either can say any more, Supergirl joins them, arms folded. “They folded like wet napkins as soon as I kicked the ringleader,” she tells Alex. “I should really get going, but…” Supergirl’s voice trails off as she lays eyes on Maggie. She presses her lips in a hard line and furrows her brow.

 

_There it is,_ Maggie thinks. _She definitely does not like me._ She wonders briefly what she could've done to piss off the Girl of Steel herself.

 

The intense glare falters a little as she notices Maggie’s wound. “Well,” Supergirl says. “I'm sorry you got hurt, Detective.” There's a certain brisk clip to her voice that Maggie finds oddly familiar, but she can't place it. “But I'm sure the DEO and your other NCPD officers can handle this situation from here on out.”

 

“Y-yeah,” Maggie agrees. She isn't normally awed by aliens, and she certainly hasn't ever feared Supergirl, but with that frosty glare, she's more than a little intimidated. “Of course.”

 

Supergirl smiles as she looks at Alex, bright and genuine. “I'll see you later.” She extends a fist to the sky before she flies off in a gust of air, and for once, Maggie is truly at loss for words.

* * *

 

Alex sits on her couch as she pours herself another glass of wine. It's the night after the showdown at the bank, and she still can't stop thinking about Maggie’s voicemail messages.

 

_It's been over two weeks,_ she thinks, taking a slow sip from her glass. _It's… it's time._

 

Alex pulls out her phone and opens her inbox again. She doesn't hesitate this time as she presses play on the oldest.

 

_“Hey, Alex… I just wanted to see if you… if you were okay. I feel really shitty and I don't think… I don't think I really, uh, I really explained myself. At all. But I'm also… also_ very _drunk, and I… I'm not mad about what happened, okay? Call me.”_

 

Alex’s grip on her glass is a little tighter, but she doesn't feel that burning pain in her chest as she moves on to the next. _I can do this,_ she tells herself. _Whatever Maggie tried to tell me… it's time to hear it._

 

_“Hey Danvers. Um, sorry about last night—or this morning? I can't remember. Either way, I want to talk to you. About everything. Call me back, okay?”_

 

_“Hey Danvers… I don't really have the time to talk, but I thought I'd just try to check in. I'm worried about you, and… I want to talk. Call me.”_

 

_“Hey Danvers, it's Sawyer. I've got a case I thought you might enjoy, so I just thought I'd call you. Plus it would be nice to have you working with me again… you're kinda the closest thing to a partner I have. I don't usually work well with others. So, uh… call me back if you're interested and maybe we can grab a drink.”_

 

_“Hey, Danvers. I know you're still getting these because your inbox isn't full, so… but I guess you could be deleting them. Either way, I'm just going to keep calling, so you better answer! I'm kidding. Maybe— No! I said no. Sorry, I'm at the bar. Uh… things are getting out of hand so I'll call you in a few. Please pick up.”_ There's a distinct sound of glass shattering before Maggie hangs up, and Alex can't help but chuckle a little before she presses play on the next one.

 

_“It's Sawyer. I just stopped a bar fight and got punched in the stomach, so that's cool, I guess. What's up with you? I really want to talk to you. I still owe you that drink, you know? Please let me buy you a drink. Things have just been... really hard, and I haven't been handling it well. I didn't mean what happened to, well, hurt you so much, but I get that I did, so… I don't know, I just miss you. I don't really have a lot of friends around here and could use a drink. Bye._ ”

 

Alex swallows. There's a lump in her throat now, as her eyes scan the next voicemail. It's the longest so far—just over two minutes long. _I can't believe I shut her out for this long_ , she thinks. _I thought space would help, but… everything just hurts more._

 

_“Hey, Alex…”_ Alex sets down her glass and swallows a little. Maggie's voice is trembling in the slightest, and Alex isn't sure she's ready for what she has to say. _“It's Maggie, but I guess you know that. I just… uh, I just really miss you. I said this before but you were the next best thing to having an actual partner and I don't have many—okay, I don't really have any friends in National City. You're my only friend here and I miss you a lot. I know things are weird and you're probably hurting a lot and maybe you hate me, which… I guess I wouldn't really blame you for.”_ Alex hears Maggie sniff and sigh before she continues. _“I'm sorry I, um, turned you down like that. It's not that I didn't, well—that I don't, um… feel the same, I'm just… not in the best place right now for something new. I thought I was in love with my ex and maybe I still am, a little… I just wasn't ready when you kissed me but I didn't want that to ruin our friendship. I guess I just need to, um, work through some things, you know? But I really want to talk to you… I miss you. And I'm worried about you. I think I made all of this a lot harder on you, and I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. Please call me back soon… bye.”_

 

Alex sniffs as she feels a few tears start to roll down her face. She wipes them away and takes a shaky breath before reaching for her glass. _Maggie… she does feel the same about me?_ Alex takes a slow sip as she glances down at her phone. This was left the morning of the day that Maggie ran into her and Kara at the bar.

 

Alex sets down her phone and her glass and hugs her knees to her chest. _I've been so selfish,_ she thinks. _All I've been thinking about is how much this has been hurting_ me _, and… Maggie’s still dealing with her breakup. God, I hope she's been okay… if I really am her only friend here, she's had no one to talk to, and… that's got to be terrible. I have Kara, but she doesn't really have anyone._

 

Alex picks up her phone again. She isn't crying, anymore, but she feels very, very tired, and part of her just wants to curl up in her bed and sleep for a few days straight. There are only two messages left, both much shorter than the last.

 

_“Hey, it's Maggie. Um, I'm sorry about my last message. It was really long, and… I mean, I meant what I said, but I'd just… I'd rather talk to you in person. Let me buy that drink. Please.”_

 

_“Hey Danvers, I've got another case that I could use backup on. I kinda screwed up a case last week, so my boss told me if I don't get backup on my own he’s going to pair me with Johnson, and she… well, she's a piece of work. Maybe I can explain over that drink. Anyway, please call me back—I seriously cannot work with her. Bye.”_

 

_That's it,_ Alex thinks. _That's all of them._ She sits back against the couch and stares at her phone, unsure of what to do now. _I could just wait it out,_ she thinks. _She’s probably still not ready for something and… I shouldn't rush her._ But Alex thinks of the nine times Maggie called her, of the way her voice shook on the seventh, of how hard it's been to talk to her and of how hard this has all probably been for Maggie, and she soon finds herself pulling up Maggie’s number to call her.

* * *

 “Hey, Mom,” Maggie says. She's been crouched in front of her fridge, trying to find something to eat, when she finally decided it was high time she called her mother. “What's up?”

 

“Mija!” Her mother's voice comes through the phone, loud enough for Maggie to pull the phone away from her ear for a moment. “Don't ‘what's up’ me! It's been three weeks since you've called me! What have you been doing? For all I know you got shot at work and _died_!”

 

Maggie pulls open the veggie drawer, and frowns when she finds it empty save for an old carrot and a bag of celery. “Well, I kinda did get shot—but don't freak out! It was just in the arm. I was lucky, no bone damage and they didn't even hit an artery.”

 

Her mother sighs heavily. “You know I worry about you, Margaret. You can't stop calling me like this!”

 

“Sorry, mom,” Maggie says, as she shuts the veggie drawer and scans the top shelf. _This yogurt is_ way _past the expiration date,_ she thinks, as she pulls it out with a grimace. “Things have just been a little hard.”

 

“What do you mean?” her mother asks. “Everything okay with your girlfriend?”

 

Maggie, with a small sigh of defeat, pulls out a box of leftover pizza and sets it on the counter. “No,” she admits. “Hannah broke up with me. She wasn't very nice about it, either.”

 

There's a slight pause before her mother replies. “I'm sorry, mija,” she says, softly. “I know you liked her very much.”

 

“I guess it's for the best,” Maggie tells her. “It's been rough, but... I'm getting over it. And there's actually someone else… there's this new girl.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah,” Maggie says, smiling a little. “Her name’s Alex. I think you’d like her—she's really smart. Like, scary smart. She knows a lot about science and she's pretty tough and… I don't know, she's really beautiful. And I think she cares about me, and she's been a really good friend ever since I met her.”

 

“That's great,” her mother says, and Maggie can hear the smile in her voice. “She must be something special. When you told me about that girl Hannah, all you said was ‘she's pretty cool’. Do you know if she feels the same?”

 

Maggie think of the kiss, and thinks of how uncomfortable things have been, lately, and says, “Yeah, I'm pretty sure she does. I just… I think I missed things up pretty badly. I pushed her away when she probably needed me, and we haven't exactly been on good terms.”

 

“Well, mija,” Maggie’s mother says, slowly. “It sounds like you have two options. Either you tell this Alex girl how you feel about her, or you stop being a big baby and tough it out.”

 

“Thanks, Mom,” Maggie replies, dryly. “Is there a third option?”

 

“Margaret,” her mother sighs.

 

“I know, Mom, kidding. I should really get going, though.” Maggie opens the box of pizza. “I was going to call her about a case. We’ve been working together on a few for a while.”

 

“Good,” her mother says. “Have you been eating well?”

 

“Sure,” Maggie lies, before she takes a bite of the cold pizza. “Of course I have.”

 

Maggie blinks as she hears a beep from her phone, and she glances at the screen. _Alex?_ “Uh, I actually should go. I've got another call and it might be about work.”

 

“Alright, Margaret. You better call me again soon,” she says, sternly. “Love you.”

 

“Love you too!” Maggie tells her, before she hangs up and answers Alex. “Hey.”

 

“Hey, Maggie,” Alex says. Her voice is quiet, and Maggie swallows a little before she sets down her pizza. _This isn't about work._ “Um… how's your arm?”

 

“It's okay,” Maggie replies. _I don't want to talk about my arm,_ she thinks. _I want to know what's going on._ “No serious damage, but I got a couple days off.”

 

“I'm glad,” Alex says. There's a long pause, but Maggie just waits. Finally, Alex goes on. “I… I listened to your messages.”

 

Maggie swallows. _God, I probably sound like a desperate freak now._ “Yeah?”

 

“Yeah. They were, uh…” Alex’s voice trails off for a moment. “I'm glad you left them. I wanted to… I wanted to say I'm sorry.”

 

Maggie blinks. “For what? I'm the one that… you know. Turned you down.”

 

“And that hurt,” Alex says, quietly. “A lot. But I didn't really think about how you were feeling. I was just so… excited, I guess, to finally come to terms with it all, and I didn't even think about what _you_ were going through.”

 

Maggie smiles a little. “It's okay, Alex, I get it. I know this is all really new for you.”

 

They're quiet again, until Alex asks, “Can we talk? In person? I feel like it would be easier.” With a quiet chuckle, she adds, “Plus, you do still owe me a drink.”

 

Maggie laughs. “That I do. You wanna go to the bar right now?”

 

“I think we've avoided talking for long enough,” Alex says. “I'll be there in ten.”

* * *

 Alex sits alone at one of the dive bar’s small tables. It's not quite as busy tonight, and Alex has been here ten minutes without seeing Maggie. She drums her fingers anxiously on the table as she checks her phone. No word from Maggie.

 

_Maybe she changed her mind,_ she thinks. _Maybe she isn't coming. Maybe—_

 

Alex smiles in relief as she sees Maggie stroll in through the door. “Hey!” Alex waves her over.

 

Maggie grins and heads over. “Hey, you,” she says, as she sits down. “Sorry I'm late. I ended up walking.”

 

Alex smiles. “It's fine.”

 

“So.” Maggie looks down at the table and folds her hands. “You said you listened to them? The messages?”

 

_You said you had feelings for me._ “Yeah, I did,” Alex says. “I… I didn't realize you…”

 

Maggie looks back up and smiles again. “I do. It’s just that… like I said, things have been, well, really messy. I was just getting out of a relationship and you were just coming out. It wasn't the right time for either of us.”

 

_She's right,_ Alex thinks. _I wanted something when Maggie wasn't emotionally available, and it wouldn't have worked out just like that._ “I know,” she murmurs. “I wasn't really thinking about anything when I did it, I was… I was just so _excited_ to feel something real. I didn't think about your breakup. Or even about me.”

 

Maggie nods silently.

 

“But—” Alex reaches out and grabs one of her hands, and Maggie’s eyes widen. “You're not just something ‘shiny’ to me, Maggie. I like you. I like you a lot. And I still want to be with you.”

 

Maggie looks away, but she doesn’t pull her hand back. “I…”

 

“Look, I know you said these relationships don’t work out, but…” Alex takes a shaky breath. “I want to try. Even if we take it slow.”

 

Maggie looks back at Alex and bites her lip. “Alex…” she looks back down at their hands and smiles again. “I want to, I do. But I don’t want to ruin our friendship.” She sighs and chuckles dryly. “I think I have a terrible habit of ruining any good relationship of mine. Romantic or otherwise.”

 

“But do you really want to stay just as friends?” Alex asks, softly.

 

“No,” Maggie immediately replies. “I don’t.”

 

“Neither do I,” Alex tells her. “These past couple of weeks have been… really shitty. I miss _actually_ talking to you. I don't really have friends here, either. You mean a lot to me, Maggie.”

 

“You do too,” Maggie whispers. Her gaze lowers to Alex’s lips, and she bites her own for a moment. Maggie pulls her hand away from Alex’s, before she reaches out and presses her hand to Alex’s cheek. She leans in, and Alex finds herself meeting Maggie halfway.

 

The kiss is soft, tentative, and lasts only a few moments before they both pull away. This time, they both smile.

 

Maggie tucks Alex’s hair behind her ear before she moves her hand away. “I sorry everything has been so hard,” she says. “Let's just take things slow, okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Alex agrees, still smiling. “Slow would be good for both of us.” She glances towards the pool tables and raises a brow. “Pool?”

 

Maggie laughs. “Today’s a good a day as any to finally beat you.”

 

“You couldn't beat me if you tried!” Alex snorts.

 

“I've been practicing!” Maggie protests. “Whatever. You go set up the table and I'll grab that drink I owe you.”

 

Alex stands up and crosses her arms. “Get ready to lose, Sawyer.”

  
Maggie just rolls her eyes. “Whatever you say, Danvers.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay, i very much feel like Maggie is also not yet over her breakup, which contributed to her rejection of Alex. plus with what her ex said it would definitely make sense for her to be wary about entering a new relationship--- she doesn't want to hurt alex and ruin their friendship and being labelled an "insensitive sociopath" can't be helping
> 
> in summary: i want to hug maggie sawyer


End file.
